


The Melancholy of Despair

by Lizerah



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Connor Deserves Happiness, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Empathy, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Gavin Reed Backstory, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gavin Reed Being an Asshole, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Gay Male Character, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Insecure Gavin Reed, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Post-Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Protectiveness, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Soft Gavin Reed, Suicidal Thoughts, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26747425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizerah/pseuds/Lizerah
Summary: Gavin Reed could not believe that he had actually been suspended. He had threatened the android, whom they called Connor, with a gun in the evidence room, even shot at him and now had to bear the consequences of his actions. Why had he been so stupid? With no gun and no badge, he had no choice but to sit still and wait for a decision that would probably end his career forever. The day couldn't get any worse, but Gavin had been very wrong. | Reed800
Relationships: Connor & Gavin Reed, Connor/Gavin Reed, Gavin Reed/RK800 "Connor" Android(s) (Detroit: Become Human), Reed800
Comments: 18
Kudos: 110





	1. What A Fucked Up Day

**Author's Note:**

> **Chapters 8 and 9 on Easter Sunday.  
>   
>  Die deutsche Version findet ihr auf [Fanfiktion.de](https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/5e949abe000a12d21ba1558a/1/The-Melancholy-of-Despair)**

"Dt. Reed, under these circumstances, I'm afraid I have to suspend you. Please hand over your service weapon and your badge," Fowler's words came to Gavin's ear, but he didn't hear them properly and stared stunned at the Lieutenant behind him.

"Dt. Reed, did you hear me?" his captain admonished him again, and he turned to him with an angry look.

"Why me? He was the one who beat me half to death," Gavin contradicted him loudly and pointed to the android standing next to the Lieutenant.

Angrily, he gritted his teeth as his gaze crossed with Connor's. This dirty android with the dog eyes, standing there like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. But Gavin knew better; this harmless look only disguised the fact that this thing in human form was a deadly machine.

"Detective, we just talked about this. You shot your colleague. That's unforgivable."

"He attacked me, I had to defend myself," Gavin yelled, pointing at Connor.

"Dt. Reed, I was busy analyzing the evidence when you just came up to me and pointed the gun at me. Not only that, you even fired a shot at me," it was Connor now speaking.

Gavin wanted to open his mouth to contradict, but his captain beat him to it.

"That's right; we have secured appropriate video footage from the evidence room and did an initial review. So we can confirm his testimony without a doubt."

"When all this happened, he was nothing more than a machine, just a thing. Even if I had shot him, it would have been no more than property damage and is not worth more than a warning," Gavin insisted.

"Under the current law, he's worth no more or less than any of us," Jeffrey Fowler interjected.

"But when the deed was done, the situation was different," Gavin didn't want to give up.

"So, you admit what you did?"

Gavin was silent and angrily grinding with his teeth. Since the Revolution, these things had actually been given the same rights as a human being. It was only a kind of emergency law, but that didn't change the fact that he was accused of almost killing an android.

Fuck. It couldn't get any worse than this. They could not do that to him. Back then, completely different laws had been in force, and the current ones didn't change the fact that these dirty androids were nothing but machines. How could the government have been fooled by artificial intelligence? Artificial intelligence created by humans to serve them and not to consider them as equals. What was that about? Where should this end? Would he then have to grant human rights to his own toaster in the future?

"Detective, your badge and service weapon, please," Fowler repeated his demand.

Angrily, Gavin pulled his gun out of its holster and threw it on the table with a loud bang. Had it not been secured, a shot would surely have been fired, but he was no fool, although some here certainly assumed so. He caught a reproachful look from his captain, but he did not care. With a quiet curse, he loosened the badge from his belt before throwing it onto the table with just as much verve.

"We will be in touch when we know how to proceed with the incident in light of the new circumstances. Until then, you are forbidden to act on behalf of the state police, wear a badge or service weapon, or even enter the police station. Clear your place and don't come back until we tell you," Fowler summed up Gavin's desperate plight. Gavin gave Hank and Connor another long look before wordlessly storming out of the captain's office and heading for his desk to clear it.

"Shit shit shit shit," he cursed loudly several times and beat the steering wheel wildly until his fists hurt. "What am I going to do now?" he said to himself and buried his face in his hands. His work had been the only thing he had left after all the shit that happened last year. Why did fate hate him so much? What could he do now? Why couldn't he just ignore the android? Why had he let Connor's presence provoke him so much? Why had he not minded his own business? And why couldn't he control that anger? Like last year when he...

"Fuck," he murmured and tore himself out of his negative thoughts before slowly gathering himself together and starting the engine of his car. He couldn't change it anymore; he could only wait and hope that it would turn out well for him. There was nothing more he could do that would help him; on the contrary, he would only make things worse. Waiting and holding back was his only chance now.

Several minutes later, he asked himself how he had made it to his apartment without an accident. Absent-mindedly, he looked up to the window of his apartment and turned off the engine of his car.

He paused briefly when he noticed that his apartment had a light on and frowned. A break into his apartment was really the last thing he needed right now. He didn't even have a gun with him anymore if there was anyone else in the apartment. Should he call his colleagues? No, he would first check for himself. He wouldn't want to expose himself if he had really only left the light on. Actually, he had never forgotten something like that, but maybe he hadn't been in his senses today, because he had known what was in store for him when he talked to Fowler. He had probably also simply gone crazy and imagined all this because he longed to go back in time. To old times, when he was even happy to see the light in his apartment burning. Back then, there had been someone waiting for him, someone who would welcome him with open arms, but now there was only emptiness.

He shook his head to get rid of the thought and admonished himself to calm down. He locked the car and walked towards the building to enter it. He ran up the stairs with quick steps but slowed his run when he reached the floor of his apartment. He took a quick look around the corner but saw no one. On soft soles, he walked through the hallway, over to his apartment door. He looked at the door attentively but did not notice any damage at all. With a relieved sigh, he reached for the keys in his pants pocket and put them in the lock, before his heart suddenly slipped into his pants when he noticed that the door was not locked, but only click shut. He always locked his door twice, and it would be really unusual if he forgot both the light and the lock on his apartment. He caught himself automatically reaching for his holster just to reach into the void. Damn it; he wished he had bought a gun privately as well and not just relied on the service weapon. He cursed his former self. But he was still not ready to call his colleagues and took the risk of opening the door quietly. In slow steps, he entered the apartment and paused briefly to listen, but he heard nothing. He took a quick look into the bathroom, whose door lay on the short hallway, before continuing on to the living room. As he looked around there, a sudden powerful sense of relief passed through him, and he was almost thankful that he had no weapon on him when he saw the girl lying on the sofa in the middle of the room.

That was Lisa, the seven-year-old daughter of his neighbor, who had snuggled up against one of his cats, settled down on his couch. What the hell was she doing here? And how did she get in here?

To not frighten her, he slowly stepped on her and crouched down in front of the couch. He raised his hand and gently stroked her head with it.

"Lisa, little one, what are you doing here?" he asked when she woke up and looked at him sleepily.

She rubbed her eyes. "Uncle Gavin?"

He didn't know why, but at some point, she just had started calling him that. Probably because he had talked to her mom from time to time and had always been kind to the girl when he met her.

Nervously she straightened up when he didn't answer so that the cat jumped from the sofa in fright. "Are you angry now?" she asked.

"No, of course not. But what are you doing here all alone? Where is your mum?"

"She... Daddy was here. T-They were screaming so loud, and I-I have the keys ..." she stuttered.

As she said that, Gavin remembered the keys that he had left with his neighbor, this girl's mother, so she could check on the cats when he had been away too long again.

"Because mom and dad were fighting, you took my keys and fled to my apartment?" he drew his conclusion.

She nodded silently.

Gavin sighed softly and looked over to the wall that bordered his neighbor's apartment. Anna was her name. A single young nurse whose ex-husband had seen the inside of the prison many times before. Since he had been released, he had already been here several times and demanded his so-called visiting rights, which he had long since forfeited due to his previous crimes.

Gavin had not been present. He had only found out through the relevant files. Namely that his colleagues had had to chase this guy away from here the one or other time.

He was startled by his thoughts when suddenly there was a loud knock at his door before someone hectically rung the doorbell. He caught himself again, reaching for his no longer present weapon before he crossed the hall and leaned against the door to listen.

"Lisa? Are you with Gavin? It's me, your mom. I saw that the keys are gone. I know we were loud, but Dad's gone. If you're here, please let me in."

He looked over his shoulder at Lisa before he grabbed the handle and opened the door. He didn't even get a chance to say anything because as soon as Anna saw her daughter, she pushed the door further open and stormed past Gavin into his apartment. He turned around and grabbed her arm, after which she gave him an angry look. He let go of her and watched as she ran toward Lisa, who was still sitting on the sofa.

"Oh, God, Lisa, I have been looking for you everywhere. What are you doing here? You can't scare mom like that," she said to the little girl and wrapped her arms around her.

"Why didn't you tell me she was with you, Gavin? I thought she had run away," she now turned reproachfully to Gavin, as he approached the two of them.

"I just got home from work myself and saw her lying there on the sofa. Then suddenly, you were standing in front of the door and raced like fury through my hallway. Actually, I should be the one who's pissed off," he defended himself.

"Is that true, Lisa?"

The girl nodded.

"S-Sorry, Gavin. I was...so worried."

With a loud sigh, Gavin leaned against the wall. There was no point in making a fuss about it now. The little girl was scared, and she sought protection. The mother had not known where she was and had been just worried. Nothing he could blame them for. Besides, Gavin had already experienced enough trouble today and could not use any more. All he really wanted was his damn peace.

"Is he gone?" the question came to his mind when he remembered Lisa's words.

Anna looked at him with big eyes before she understood and nodded.

"Is he coming back?"

"I don't know," she replied.

"Are you okay?" he asked and examined her more closely but fortunately could not find any injuries.

"He just wanted to see Lisa and became a bit loud. That scared her. I'm sorry she just went to your apartment."

Gavin looked at her in silence.

"Lisa, do you still have the keys with you?" she turned to the girl.

The girl nodded.

"Please give them to Gavin," she said. The girl looked intimidated at Gavin, who, however, gave her a reassuring smile. He approached her and crouched down in front of her before grabbing her hand in which she held his keys.

"You know what? Keep them. And if you are afraid again, you can come here. Okay?" he said and took her hand in his.

"Gavin, I don't think..."

"Why? You had them already," he asked and looked up at her.

"It's not necessary. He won't be back, and she's safe with me."

"Just as he did not want to come back the last few times?" he countered.

"Gavin, this is none of your business," she growled back in her false pride.

He rolled his eyes before giving in and taking the keys out of Lisa's hand. Even when he wanted to do something good for someone, he met with nothing but rejection. So he would simply do nothing more. She wanted to manage it by herself, so he let her. Women like her just don't learn from their mistakes, and it wasn't his job to teach her about to care about herself. And it was also no longer his job to protect anyone but himself.

No sooner had Anna and Lisa left his apartment a few minutes later than he fed his cats and went into the bathroom to throw his clothes on the floor carelessly. He got into the shower and let the warm water run over his stiff neck and scarred back. He had given so much for this job; he had sacrificed himself more than once for the good of another. And how did they thank him for all this? By suspending him for arguing with a fucking robot. Because of a stupid thing. Angrily he hit the wall with his fist so that the tile splintered, and he pulled his hand back with a soft hiss when he felt the sharp pain.

"Fuck," he murmured and rubbed his wound with his other hand. He left the shower and took the first-aid kit from the closet to bandage his heavily bleeding hand. Damn it, what was going on today? What was he thinking? Probably nothing, just like he hadn't thought when he had attacked Connor and destroyed his career as a cop. Why had he not control himself? What was going on with him lately?

He fixed the bandage more badly than right before putting the first aid kit back where it belonged.

He left the bathroom and went over to the bedroom. On the way to the closet, he stubbed his little toe at the foot of the bed and cursed loudly. Shit, he just wanted to go to bed.

He put on some underpants and a t-shirt before crawling into bed and finally managed to close his eyes and forget everything around him.

However, the well-deserved sleep did not last long, when suddenly, a loud noise woke him up. He immediately took a look at his watch and realized that it was only 10 p.m. and that he had only slept for one hour. Again he heard a loud noise, followed by a bloodcurdling scream. He almost fell out of bed as he tried to get up and run over to the door. Only his quick reflex prevented him from doing so, and he broke his fall with his hand, only to pick himself up again immediately. Hectically he ran over to the door and entered the living room when he heard the scream again. Was that Anna? He looked over to the wall with eyes wide open before he heard a loud rumble and, this time, even several screams. It was undoubtedly coming from the neighboring apartment. He was standing in his living room as if frozen, when a sudden silence set in, which was just ended by a loud door slam. He heard a man roar before something suddenly hit his own door.

"Gavin, Gavin, please open up," he heard Anna's voice and immediately ran over to open the door. Lisa stormed past him into the apartment, and he recognized Anna as she wanted to follow her before someone suddenly grabbed the collar of her shirt and pulled her back. With an incredulous look, he looked directly into the blue eyes of a real giant who now took her place and stood in the doorway. Gavin took a step back and tried to slam the door in his face, but it was already too late. Once again, he reached for his no longer available weapon and threw a desperate look back at the girl standing behind him, clutching on to him.

The huge man suddenly began to smile and looked down at the girl.

"Lisa, what are you doing? Daddy just wants to pick you up. Come to me and let's go," he said to her, passing Gavin. With the result that she only clung on even more to Gavin.

"You're trespassing, and I'm asking you to leave my apartment," Gavin first tried the peaceful way.

"I'll be gone when the girl comes with me," the big guy replied, trying to get past Gavin.

"No, she will stay here, with her mother," Gavin objected and looked down at the girl. "Go, hide," he commanded her.

"Go on!" he shouted at her as she hesitated. She let go of him and ran behind the sofa.

"Lisa, you come here right away," the giant yelled after her and pushed Gavin aside with just one hand. Fuck, apparently, the guy hadn't done anything in jail but train. Gavin threw a frantic look to the side and saw Anna lying unconscious, leaning against the wall, in the outer hallway. Shit, he couldn't let this guy taking the girl with him under any circumstances, but he didn't have much to hold against this colossus without a gun.

"Hold it right there, I'm a detective, and I'll arrest you if you keep moving," he shouted after the guy as he saw him enter the living room. The giant stopped and turned to him with his eyebrow raised.

"I have a gun. Leave my apartment and never come back. Then I won't report you to my colleagues," Gavin explained, holding one hand behind his back and pretending to hold his gun in this one. It was a very delicate matter, but he had to do something. The colossus actually turned in his direction and stepped towards him in slow steps.

Gavin could not resist taking a step back.

"Oh yeah, so you're a cop, and you want to threaten me with the gun?" he asked as he kept coming towards Gavin.

Gavin did not answer him.

"Where's your gun? Won't you even show it to me? I'm curious," the giant said cynically and approached more and more.

Shit, the guy wasn't as stupid as Gavin had thought.

If there was a physical confrontation between him and the giant, he had no chance at all. The giant was now standing right in front of him, grinning broadly at him before he reached for Gavin's arm and dragged him out. Gavin tried to pull his arm back, but the guy was too strong.

"Just as I thought," he said as he grabbed Gavin's wrist.

Gavin swallowed hard.

"Always these empty promises. Typical for you cops," he said, laughing, before suddenly twisting Gavin's wrist with a jerk.

Gavin made a painful sound when he felt his forearm break.

"Fuck fuck fuck," he cursed and held his broken arm with an unbelieving glance. He tried to move his hand, but it wouldn't obey him and hung limp.

Panic seized him, and he looked around frantically as this asshole turned around with a loud laugh and walked back towards the girl. He reached her, and Gavin saw her back away with a frightened look, but the guy grabbed her arm and pulled her up. She started crying as he dragged her into the hallway behind him, past Gavin and toward the door. And there was nothing he could do. As she passed Gavin, she looked up at him, pleading with her teary eyes, but there was nothing he could do. If he did anything now, he might die. It was not his problem. Anna had refused his help. It was no longer his job to help others. It was ... it was ... no, he had to help her.

The giant stepped straight into the hallway with his back to Gavin. Gavin grabbed a lamp on a small table in the hallway and rushed towards him to smash it into his neck with all the strength he had in his still-healthy hand.

But he was too slow. All he could hear was the girl's scream as the giant turned to him and reached out to him. A sharp pain went through him when he was thrown against the wall with full force, and he felt at least one of his ribs break. Strained, he gasped for air as the giant's other hand gripped his throat. It pressed all the air out of his lungs when the giant's fist suddenly hit his stomach. Again and again and again. Only interrupted by a violent punch in the face. With every further blow, he realized that he would probably not survive today. The girl's screams reached his ear, and he knew that this was the last thing he would hear. He didn't even feel the pain anymore when suddenly another scream joined in. Was that Anna? He heard more voices and felt the giant's hand suddenly release him. The voices became louder, and he wondered if only he heard these voices. Maybe he was just fantasizing as he slumped down and saw as if through a veil, Chris running towards him and squatting next to him. He did not know. He just didn't know if that was the last thing he saw before he died. He just realized with annoyance that this was indeed a damn shitty day before his senses left him and everything around him sank into darkness and silence.


	2. What have I done to deserve this?

"Gavin, shit, can you hear me?" were the first words Gavin heard as he slowly came to. He felt a touch on his arm and heard Chris' voice from afar: "Where the fuck are the paramedics?"

"They're overworked since the revolution, missing some androids, ten minutes," another voice replied. Was that Officer Lewis?

"Connor, come here," it was Chris again who spoke.

Connor? What the hell was he doing here?

"Is there anything we can do to help him until the rescue services arrive?" Chris seemed to talk to the android.

Again, Gavin felt a touch on his arm before someone suddenly pushed him aside and forced him to lie down on the floor. He had expected the pain to increase, but instead, his whole body just felt numb.

"There is no immediate danger to life. His ninth rib on the left side is broken. His right arm is also broken. His nose is bleeding a lot, but it's not fractured," he heard Connor's voice, which made him want to jump up and run from here.

Someone grabbed his arm and lifted his head. He heard a faint whimpering and only realized from Chris' reaction that it was his own. Shit.

One of them wiped his face with some kind of cloth, he suspected it was Chris, but he still couldn't open his eyes to make sure.

"Detective? Can you hear us? Are you in pain?" he heard Connor again, this time very close to his ear, giving him goosebumps.

"Fuck you," Gavin hissed.

"I don't think insults get us much further, but it's nice to hear that you're conscious," the android countered in his typically arrogant manner. How Gavin hated it.

Finally, the heaviness of Gavin's eyes disappeared, and he opened them with a slow blink. But with the control over his body, the pain came back, so he groaned loudly. Desperately, he tried to stand up in the absurd hope of escaping the pain, but he was held tight.

"You should lie still," it was Connor again, who spoke, but Gavin barely heard him because a sudden, stabbing pain pressed all the air out of his lungs. Even worse than the previous one. He tried to breathe, but there was that sharp pain again.

Again and again and again and again.

"I told you to lie still," he heard Connor's words only marginally, while his own frantic breathing sounded in his ears.

"Gavin?" Chris asked anxiously. "Connor, I'm afraid he can't breathe," he turned to the android.

"Yes, he can. The pain is only holding him back," he explained, turning to Gavin. "Lie on your uninjured side and try to breathe more concentrated. Breathe in until the pain comes and then breathe out again before it increases."

Gavin tried, but he couldn't.

"Gavin?" he called him by his first name this time. He had done this before - when Gavin had threatened him with the gun in the evidence room.

He felt the panic gripping him more and more. He lay down on his side and tried to breathe, but he couldn't. He coughed, and the pain became almost unbearable until Connor suddenly grabbed his hand and put his arm around Gavin's shoulders to lift him slightly.

"Try to focus and adjust to my breathing," Connor explained, pressing Gavin's hand against his own chest.

His breath? An android had no breath. And why did he suddenly talk in such a familiar way?

"Gavin," Connor admonished him, and Gavin obeyed. He had no other choice. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the android's simulated breathing and breathed in the same rhythm.

It worked, for fuck's sake. It worked. His breath became calmer but the more relaxed he became, the more he felt the exhaustion. His whole body felt like a single sore muscle. Powerless, he leaned his head against Connor's shoulder. He knew that he would probably be teased forever because of that, but he didn't care. They would let him go anyway, so why worry about it? Once again, the question of why Connor was here at all came to mind, but he had no energy left to think about it. He just wanted the pain to go away. He just wanted his peace.

  
He wasn't sure if he had lost consciousness again or if he was suffering from some kind of amnesia, because when he opened his eyes again, he found himself in a hospital room. He had been told immediately after waking up that the ulna of his right forearm was broken. The same was for the ninth rib - wherever that might be exactly - only on the left side. It could take weeks for the fractures to heal completely. Nice shit. At the thought of it, he unconsciously grabbed his nose. At least it was spared a fracture.

He had spent three days in this shitty hospital. Now he was sitting here, in his precinct, but not as a detective, but as a witness and accused. Damn, this was not how he had imagined his return here. Not only did he now sit here in the interrogation room and feel as if he was on display, no, he had also been questioned as a possibly accused. This asshole, who called himself father, had turned the tables and claimed that Gavin had first beaten his wife half to death and then wanted to molest the child. What the hell? He would never hurt or even molest a woman or even a child in any way. The fact that his colleagues, and especially his captain, had not immediately dismissed this claim, but even addressed it, made him so infinitely angry. If the girl hadn't defended him by chance, he would probably be the criminal now. And his colleagues would possibly believe this, too.

Hell, yes, he had been doing some pretty bad shit lately, but he didn't deserve that. He had only wanted to protect the girl. He couldn't have just watched this wanker kidnap her. This asshole had beaten his wife so hard against the wall that she still hadn't woken up. Damn it, if she had just taken the keys, none of this would have happened. What had he done that suddenly turned everything against him?

"Is everything okay with you, Gavin?" Chris asked, who stood in the corner of the room and "guarded" him while the interview was being evaluated.

Instead of answering, Gavin ran his hand across his face and sighed. He felt a dull pain spread through his body as he moved, which briefly became so intense that he held his breath. As if he was not suffering enough already.

Before the interrogation, he had reduced the dose of the painkillers prescribed for him. They made him tired and lethargic. He had wanted to be fit for the interrogation, and now this took its revenge. He tried to remember Connor's instructions to calm himself down and reduce the pain a little because he noticed his own breath becoming more and more hectic.

"Gavin?" Chris asked again and stepped up to him this time.

"I ... can I freshen up a bit? I feel sick." He hated to admit his weakness, but he had to get out of here. He could not breathe in here.

"Of course. You want me to come with you? You don't look well."

"No, I can shit by myself," growled Gavin and got up from his seat.

"Gavin...

Gavin no longer heard what Chris wanted to tell him because he had already stepped through the door of the interrogation room. Probably Chris had wanted to point out to him that he wasn't allowed to move around the station alone, but he didn't care. It was his precinct, and he did not let himself be treated like a felon.

He turned to the toilets and tried to walk towards them, but he didn't get far.

"Well, well, well, so is Detective - sorry, I mean Mr. Reed - visiting the DPD," he heard Hank's voice before he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

With a grim look, he turned to Hank and could see how the lieutenant raised his eyebrows at his sight.

"Ah, I see, you are here as a guest today," Hank mocked as he approached Gavin.

"It's only been a week, and you're fighting your way through half of Detroit. Not even on suspension can you keep your feet still and behave. I don't think it's gonna be good for you to be..."

Gavin simply turned away and walked towards the toilets.

"Hey, I'm talking to you," Hank called after him and seemed to follow him because Gavin suddenly felt his hand on his shoulder. He pushed it back violently, but the movement sent a sharp pain through his body, causing him to groan.

Hank opened his eyes in horror. "Sorry, I ..." he muttered irritatedly but was then interrupted by Connor.

"Hank!" the android called and came running towards them. "Leave him alone, he is..."

Gavin could not hear the rest because intense dizziness seized him. He turned away from them and ran over to the toilet room. Despite the pain, he ripped open the door and immediately crashed into one of the cabins before dropping to his knees and throwing up violently.

  
"...he's badly hurt," Connor finished the sentence, and his eyes widened as Gavin spun around like he was bitten by a tarantula and ran to the restrooms. He exchanged a quick glance with Hank, who looked equally surprised.

Without another word, he turned away from Hank and walked towards the toilets. Slowly he opened the door and took a look inside. He could see Gavin stepping out of one of the cabins and stumbling towards the sink. Gavin bent over the sink and rinsed his mouth with water. Had he thrown up?

Connor weighed whether to go to him and ask him if he was okay, but then he saw Gavin suddenly slump down and crouch on the floor.

He pushed the door open and walked towards him with quick steps. He sat down on the floor beside Gavin and touched his shoulder. His pulse raced, but his injuries didn't seem to have worsened. Connor tried to look him in the face, but he had closed his eyes and distorted his face into a painful expression.

Connor opened his mouth to say something but closed it again when he suddenly heard Hank's voice.

"Fuck, shit, I didn't mean to do that." Hank stood in the frame of the door and looked down at Gavin with a horrified look. Chris stood beside him and put his head through a gap between Hank and the frame. He was surprised as well.

"Chris told me what happened. I'm sorry..."

"This is not your fault, Hank," he was interrupted by Connor before turning back to Gavin.

"Gavin, is there anything we can do to help?" he asked cautiously, stroking his hand across Gavin's back, reassuringly. To his surprise, he allowed it to happen.

Gavin just shook his head, his face still grimacing, but he seemed a little calmer.

"Are you in pain?" he asked, though it was apparent.

No answer.

"Should we call an ambulance?" Hank asked uncertainly.

Gavin still did not answer, but instead tried to get up from the floor. He did not straighten up completely but remained in a stooped position. He held his stomach with his arm, and Connor felt his assumption confirmed.

"Gavin, you're obviously in pain," he confronted him with his realization as he also stood up.

"I just want to go home," Gavin muttered, wiping his face with the back of his hand. He was visibly embarrassed to have collapsed like that in front of his colleagues, but after all that had happened, Connor couldn't even blame him. Even Hank was more shocked by this sight than he was motivated to mock Gavin. He knew such breakdowns well enough. The last few days had been just too much of a good thing, even for a grown man.

Gavin had only wanted to protect this girl and this woman, and now he was confronted with pain and reproaches. Add to that the suspension. The questioning and mockery of Hank had only tipped him over the edge. Despite the fact Connor had argued with Gavin so often, he caught himself worrying about Gavin's condition. Even though he had taken insults from Gavin over and over again, he felt something like pity. And albeit Gavin had shot at him, he wanted to help him.

"Could you please excuse me for Fowler?" Gavin asked, with audible exhaustion in his voice. Chris and Hank nodded silently, visibly overwhelmed. Gavin took a step toward the door, whereupon the two instantly drifted apart.

"You don't want to drive like this, do you?" Connor asked.

"I'll take a cab."

"What about your car?"

"It doesn't matter, I won't be able to afford it soon anyway," Gavin's resignation was clearly audible.

"I'll drive you," Connor objected.

Gavin just looked at him in silence, which only worried Connor even more. Where had the detective with the cynical comments gone? Connor was reluctant to admit it, but sometimes he missed the sparring between the two of them. The more he deviated from his programming, the more he was able to defend himself against Gavin. If only it hadn't escalated so much in the end, they might even be friends.

He stepped up to Gavin and reached out his hand. "Where are your keys?"

Gavin looked at him as if he didn't understand his words before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out a key. He placed it in Connor's open palm, whereupon he nodded gratefully. He looked down at the key in his hand and recognized a key chain. A little cat from a comic that Connor found in a split second in his database. It was a Japanese trick series that revolved exclusively around this cat. Gavin seemed to like cats and own some himself because Connor had already discovered one or two cat hairs on his clothes. According to his analysis, a British Shorthair and a Ragdoll. Gorgeous animals.

"Shouldn't I rather drive him?" Chris asked.

"You have to go to your family later," Connor objected and looked at Gavin again.

"Do you need help, or can you go alone?"

"Just drive me home, okay?" Gavin replied, irritated. His pain was obviously getting worse as he pressed his arm closer to his stomach. Connor nodded silently and put the keys in his pocket before telling Gavin to follow him.

Under Hank's and Chris' disbelieving looks, they walked through the hallway and left the station for the parking lot.

Once there, Connor unlocked Gavin's car and opened the passenger door. Gavin dropped onto the seat and cursed when this seemed to cause another pain.

Connor closed the door and walked around the car to get into the driver's seat. He looked over at Gavin, who had leaned against the closed door with his eyes closed. Without saying anything, Connor leaned over to him and pulled the seatbelt across him. Gavin acknowledged this with a grumble, opened his eyes, and grabbed the strap himself. When Connor heard the click as the belt snapped, he turned away again and buckled himself in. He took a look in the mirrors and adjusted their position to his vision before pushing the seat back a little. He didn't start the engine yet but looked again over to Gavin, who leaned against the door and kept his eyes closed. The dark shadows under his eyes were now hard to miss, and Connor caught himself feeling sorry for Gavin again. He looked forward and shook his head before he started the engine and drove off the parking lot at a slow pace.


	3. Am I right?

With a fixed gaze, Connor looked down on the road in front of him as he sat in Gavin's car, still trying to make the best of the situation. He still knew where Gavin's apartment was, because of the last incident. Luckily for him, Gavin was in the passenger seat with his eyes closed all the time. After a while, Connor started to worry because he wasn't even sure if he had lost consciousness. He used the stop at a traffic light to stretch his arm in Gavin's direction and analyze his condition.

Gavin responded with a soft murmur and opened his eyes to give Connor a questioning look.

"Are we there yet?" he asked.

Connor just shook his head.

Gavin let his gaze wander for a moment but remained silent.

"By my calculations, we should arrive in 10 minutes."

"Hmm," he replied with only a faint murmur.

Connor would have expected some annoyed comment, but Gavin had to be really exhausted if he didn't say anything else. Had he really been discharged from the hospital in that condition, or had he discharged himself? This question had been on Connor's mind ever since he saw Gavin enter the DPD station. He hadn't approached him to avoid conflict, but he knew what injuries Gavin had sustained and how long a person should take it easy in such a case.

The late symptoms of his concussion and the pain of his bruises seemed to bother him. Why had he been questioned at all in this condition and not simply sent home? He was not at all in control of his senses.

Connor sighed softly and noticed Gavin inspecting him from the side for a moment before turning away again and leaning his head against the car door. Connor didn't respond and continued to look straight ahead.

They were about to reach Gavin's apartment, and it was not the first time Connor had asked himself today why he was helping this man in the first place. Gavin had tried to kill him in the evidence room, and if Connor hadn't fought back successfully, he would now be hanging in the evidence room storage container next to the other androids with a bullet to his head. What punishment would Gavin have expected for such an offense if he had killed Connor and the revolution had failed? A warning for property damage? A little disciplinary action, and then he would have behaved the same as before with the fate of the androids on his conscience?

Connor wondered how this man had become a policeman in the first place. Did he have any connections that got him this job?

Connor gave a contemptuous gasp as a certain thought went through his mind. Gavin would certainly be better off on the crime side. But even there, his quick-tempered behavior would not be accepted under any circumstances because it would be an incalculable risk. That was something Connor hated. He just couldn't assess Gavin. He didn't know what this man was thinking, and he never knew what he would do next.

Even Hank was more predictable, which was not the easiest thing to do because of his depression, but Gavin was a very different type of person.

After the incident in the evidence room, Connor was convinced that Gavin was a dangerous sociopath. Someone who thought only of himself, putting up with everything to advance himself. Gavin had said on his own that he was afraid of being replaced, so he had taken every measure to prevent this, regardless of loss. He had not understood until today that he obstructed the investigation to a severe degree. He had only been fixated on saving his backside. Although the evidence was more than clear from the surveillance, he had not deviated from presenting himself as a victim of the whole thing. If he had admitted his guilt, maybe even apologized, Connor might have had the case against him dropped, but Gavin had let that chance slip away.

That was when Connor was convinced that this man had to be taken out of circulation because he was a danger to himself and others. He had finally reached a point where he believed he knew Gavin completely and that this man was an incorrigible idiot who was not even remotely qualified to continue in this job.

Connor had been so convinced of his own opinion until just days later, he was confronted with strong doubts when he was called to a mission in which a young man had almost lost his life protecting a little girl. Since Connor was still in his adjustment phase and should get to know all the duties of a police officer at least once, he had been on patrol with Chris. They had just been making their rounds on the eastern outskirts of Detroit when an emergency call came in, reporting a violent fight.

Since they were in the vicinity, they joined the patrol from the ninth and fifth precincts. An old lady had said that several people were involved in the fight, so they wanted to be on the safe side.

As soon as they met the other patrols at the bottom of the stairs, the loud voices rang down to them, and they lost no more seconds to rush up the stairs. They saw the unconscious woman lying in the hallway as they reached the latest step, and their apprehension was even surpassed when they saw the real culprit. Only at the last moment could they stop this giant from killing the man he had heckled.

Connor hadn't even realized at first that this man sitting unconscious on the floor was Gavin because he had to take care of the woman lying on the ground outside first. She had suffered brain trauma and had not been conscious - as he had found out, not even to this day. He still remembered the crying girl who came running from the apartment and kneeled down next to its mother. Then suddenly, Chris' voice as he asked Connor to come to him. Only in passing, Connor had noticed two policemen from the ninth ward dragging the giant through the long hallway of the house to the stairwell when he asked one of the policemen from the fifth ward to pay brief attention to the woman and child.

He had entered the apartment and seen Chris squatting down in front of the man who was covered in blood and leaning against the wall with his head bowed.

"Is there anything we can do to help him until the emergency services arrive?" he asked, looking up at Connor with a desperate look.

It wasn't until Connor bent down to the injured man and grabbed his chin that he finally recognized Gavin's face under all the blood.

Of course, Connor had helped him without hesitation, despite everything that had happened between them before, and of course, he had felt something like pity.

Gavin had stood up for this girl. He has saved her because the giant could have hurt the girl in his anger. Gavin could have lost his life in the process as well, but he seemed to have consciously accepted that when he faced this clearly superior giant. And that's what completely confused Connor's calculations.

He hadn't expected such a selfless act from Gavin. Not even in his dreams. If he had found Gavin the victim of some self-inflicted brawl, he wouldn't have blinked an eyelid since it wouldn't have affected him, but this had come as a surprise. He just did not know what to think of this man anymore. He had been so convinced that Gavin was only thinking of himself, an incorrigible egocentric, and he had been sure that he had to put this man out of action, at least as far as his job was concerned. But when he saw him sitting on the floor like that, and even when Gavin began to call him names, Connor was no longer sure he was right about him.

In a few days, the internal procedure regarding Gavin's behavior in the evidence room would begin, and Connor would have to decide how accurately he would comment on Gavin. With the doubts he had now, he just couldn't make a statement, and he hated having such doubts.

Did Gavin deserve another chance after all?

Hank hadn't been very friendly to Connor either at first, but their relationship had developed massively in a positive direction, the more Connor responded to him. Hank, too, had once pointed a gun at him and threatened him several times to throw him to the nearest junkyard, but Connor had been persistent and had given him more than one chance.

The humans and also Connor himself hadn't been aware that androids can develop something like a self-perception and show emotions. They had really been nothing more than machines in human form at that time.

When Hank had threatened him, he had interpreted the feeling of fear he had felt as pure self-preservation. He didn't even know himself that it was actually an emotion, the way people felt it.

But now he knew better. He knew a lot better now, and yet he was sitting here, with all these emotions that he didn't know how to classify.

At first, it was the ever-increasing hatred for Gavin and his quick-tempered nature, then a mixture of pity and aversion that turned back to hatred when Gavin refused a simple apology. And now - he didn't know.

Why was he helping this man? Why did he volunteer to care about him? Why did he even worry about a man who wanted to kill him and didn't even realize his mistake? He hated it when he couldn't assess a person, and he hated it when he couldn't understand the feelings that sometimes overcame him.

The loud honking of another car tore him away from his thoughts, but he realized that this was not for him. He hadn't consciously focused on his surroundings the whole time and was still surprised that they were already on the street where Gavin lived.

Connor looked over at him, but Gavin had closed his eyes again. He could really show such peaceful behavior more often - without underlying injury, of course.

Connor looked at the street again and drove into the driveway leading to the parking lot in front of the building before parking the car in one of the few free spaces. He turned off the engine just as it started to rain slowly. Thick raindrops hit the windshield and, within seconds, turned into a heavy downpour. That was the last thing they needed.

He hesitated briefly before finally reaching out and placing his hand on Gavin's shoulders to shake him awake gently.

Gavin winced in shock and cursed softly as another pain apparently passed through him.

Connor was now certain that Gavin had discharged himself from the hospital.

Gavin gave him a slightly confused look as if he had forgotten where he was, before grunting and reaching for something in his jacket pocket. Without saying anything, he took out his cell phone and started tapping on it.

"What are you looking for?" Connor asked with a frown as he loosened his belt.

"I'll call you a cab."

"I can do that myself. But don't you need any more help?"

Why did he ask that? He was lucky to get out of this situation so quickly and not have to deal with Gavin any longer than necessary.

"I'll pay for it," Gavin kept his answer short, ignoring Connor's offer of help.

Okay, okay, if he was doing so well on his own.

Why was he suddenly so frustrated? He needed to get out of Gavin's way as quickly as possible before he got better and resumed his usual behavior. Connor was supposed to protect himself and not worry about someone who didn't deserve it - whereas, no, he did him wrong. Gavin was only in this situation because he had protected someone else. It wasn't fair to think that he didn't deserve that protection. But why did Connor, of all people, take on this task?

Gavin dropped his cell phone and looked outside in silence. For a while, they just sat together in the car without saying anything and without moving until Connor suddenly noticed Gavin's arms wrapped around his body. Was him cold?

In his mind, Connor shook his head. He really should stop thinking like that.

"I don't think it will stop raining anytime soon," Connor finally said.

"Hm," Gavin just gave a consenting growl and rubbed his hands over his arms. He was clearly cold, and Connor caught himself growing worried again.

Why was Gavin so silent? Was it really just the pain? He probably should have driven him back to the hospital after all. He was kind of out of it.

This time, Connor shook his head not only in his thoughts, and he got an irritated look from Gavin. The shadows under his eyes were bigger and darker than ever. Gavin had always looked as if he hadn't been able to get any sleep since Connor had met him in early November. Was that really the case? But even if it was, that hadn't been a reason for his subterranean behavior.

The best thing he could do right now would be to take Gavin back to his apartment and leave as soon as possible. Then he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore. Out of sight, out of mind.

"I'll take you upstairs before the cab comes. It could rain for hours, and we'd still be sitting here," Connor finally said, turning to face the door without waiting for Gavin's reaction.

"You don't have to do this for me, Connor," he heard Gavin's sudden objection, however, and paused in his movement.

"What do you mean?" he asked, still facing the door.

"I know I treated you like dirt. You don't have to make me feel guilty."

"That was not my intention. I just wanted to help you," Connor replied.

"Why? For your android karma or some bullshit?"

Okay, there was old Gavin again.

He'd best just get out of here. If Gavin didn't want his help, he let him manage on his own.

Without saying anything, Connor opened the door, but instead of moving away from the car, he went around the car as if by remote control and opened the passenger door. He sighed. His intention had worked out really well.

Gavin looked up at him with a surprised look.

"Get out of the car, or I'll change my mind and throw you in the Detroit River somewhere," Connor growled but was more upset with himself.

"Probably would be the better option," Gavin replied and stood up, but in the middle of the movement, he suddenly made a choking sound and dropped back onto the seat. Connor sighed loudly and bent down to Gavin to put an arm around him and help him up.

"I can do it myself," Gavin growled, but Connor ignored his objection and pulled him up slightly.

Gavin seemed too surprised to resist and grimaced painfully as he reflexively wrapped his arms around Connor's neck with a silent curse. He paused for a moment before disengaging from Connor and holding his stomach. Connor had used the brief physical contact to analyze his condition. Despite Gavin jumping around like a weasel, both fractures healed quite well. The bruises, which were not only on his belly but all over his body, seemed to bother him more than the rib fracture itself.

Connor caught himself feeling sorry for Gavin again. He could only begin to imagine how painful such injuries were, and he felt sorry that he had just grabbed him like that without paying attention to his pain.

Suddenly he felt Gavin's hand on his shoulder as he lightly punched it to express his displeasure. He apparently had no strength for more. Connor had to smile at the attempt because it was almost cute, like - like - how did he even come up with this idea?

"Let's get inside. You're getting wet out here," he said assertively and put his arm around Gavin again to support him as he casually closed the car door.

"I said I could do it alone," Gavin found his spirit again.

"If you want to sneak through the rain like an old man, please," Connor countered, releasing him so abruptly that he almost tripped.

"You fucking sadist," Gavin snapped at him.

"I was just doing what you wanted."

"You just pretend to be so harmless. In fact, you're the biggest cunt the DPD has ever seen."

"Sorry, Gav. You've already taken the post."

"Who said you could call me by my first name anyway?"

"You call me by my name all the time."

"Because you only have a first name."

"My last name is Anderson."

"A preferred name is not really a last name," Gavin hissed.

"Do you really want to be out here in the rain discussing something like that right now?" Connor slowly lost his patience and made this clear in his tone of voice. That was just such an unnecessary discussion.

Gavin opened his mouth but then closed it again without saying anything, just turning away from Connor from one moment to the next.

Connor looked at him with some concern as Gavin paused for a while. The rain had already soaked Gavin's hair so much that it was already hanging on his forehead. He seemed even more like a little boy who didn't know when to pull himself together. Gavin's sudden silence surprised Connor because he appeared to show at least some kind of insight.

Connor didn't know why this man was so damn bitter, but he would find out. He wanted to be able to understand Gavin because soon, Connor would have to decide whether he will turn against him or give him a second chance. He didn't want to be wrong, he didn't want to make a mistake, and he didn't want to destroy Gavin's life when he didn't deserve it.

If Gavin were in his place, he probably wouldn't even bother to understand each other's actions - but who knows, maybe Connor was also wrong about that assumption. He didn't really know this man, but he would know him.

"Let us go in. You'll catch a cold. When you get upstairs, you'll be rid of me, okay?" he said and stepped up to Gavin. He didn't answer, just looked up at him in silence, and allowed Connor to put his arm around him again.

"I hope so. You're annoying," Gavin could not help but make a negative comment as they walked together through the rain towards the building.


	4. Leave me alone

"Gavin, please, let me help you. It's only a few more feet."

"Leave me alone."

"Gavin, please, now let me help you," Connor said and grabbed Gavin's arm to pull him up from the floor of the elevator, but he didn't move.

Connor sighed desperately and crouched down beside him. "I can carry you."

"I can do it on my own," Gavin yapped at him.

"Then stand up."

Gavin reached for one of the handrails in the elevator and tried to pull himself up, but he couldn't. A few minutes ago, he had suddenly collapsed and couldn't get up on his own, but he wouldn't let anyone help him.

"I don't want to spend the night here with you, Gavin," Connor began again.

"Then get out."

"I can't leave you sitting here like this. You're obviously in a lot of pain."

"It's not your problem."

In a desperate gesture, Connor drove his hand across his face. He had faced so many challenges before, but Gavin was clearly the greatest. He was acting like a little child right now, but, like the child he was, Connor couldn't just abandon him. Just before they reached his floor, Gavin had suddenly collapsed when a wave of pain seemed to have overtaken him. Connor was about to call an ambulance, but then Gavin tried to stand up and insisted on doing it alone.

There wasn't much letting Connor lose his patience, but he was pretty close, thanks to Gavin. He was already thinking about actually leaving his colleague to his own. Gavin didn't want his help, and Connor would be only too happy to comply. He still wondered why he helped this man in the first place and why he was doing this to himself. He didn't want to get to know him anymore. He already knew more than enough about him based on the last five minutes. Maybe Gavin deserved nothing else but to sit here on the floor with this pain and be abandoned.

No, no, Connor was not that kind of person. He would help him no matter what Gavin said. But he would do it on his own way.

"Gavin, I know you're in pain, but it's not gonna get any better sitting around here. You'll catch a cold in your wet clothes."

Gavin didn't answer and stared at the floor with a chalk-white face. He was bathed in cold sweat and looked terrible.

"Shall I get the painkiller for you?" Connor asked gently.

Gavin, however, did not respond to him at all.

With a sigh, Connor stood up from his squat and put both hands around Gavin's upper arms. "I'm going to pull you up now," he said softly, lifting Gavin off the ground.

Contrary to his expectations, Gavin let himself be pulled to his legs without a word. He swayed slightly, and Connor put one arm around his shoulder to support him. Gavin leaned heavily against him, and Connor had difficulty pressing the button that opened the door, but he managed.

He immediately recognized the hallway leading to Gavin's apartment, only that last time he hadn't known that one of the victims was Gavin.

He dragged Gavin, whose condition was now at a point where he looked more like a zombie, down the hallway to his front door.

His apartment keys hung at the same keychain as his car keys, so Connor could open the door without having to ask him again. He was quite happy about this because Gavin seemed to be only half-conscious anyway and hung in Connor's arms like a drunk. With a sigh, Connor pushed the door open and tried to pull his colleague with him, but he didn't move an inch. The android immediately grabbed his legs and lifted him off the floor to carry him into the apartment with a soft murmur. He felt a touch on his shoulder as Gavin leaned his head against it with his eyes closed and caught himself pausing briefly at that touch and looking thoughtfully down at the man in his arms. He shook his head as he became aware of the irony of the situation. Connor started to move again and thought about the fact that this man, whom he was carrying through the hallway in his arms, had wanted to kill him just a few months ago. He had quickly crossed the short hallway. Arriving at the sofa, he tried to lay Gavin down gently, but at that very moment, his spirits seemed to return because he stood up and looked around in confusion.

"You were gone for a moment," Connor explained as their eyes met.

With a moan, Gavin grabbed his head. "Fuck, I feel like I've been hit by a truck."

Connor leaned on the side of an armchair that stood next to the sofa and attentively looked at him. "If you'd stayed in the hospital, you wouldn't be so sick."

"I had to sort this out," Gavin said and moaned again.

"What did you have to sort out?"

Gavin did not answer.

"You know what? Let me get your painkillers. Where do you keep them?" Connor asked and looked around, searching.

"I'll get it myself," Gavin replied, trying to climb down from the sofa. He paused, however, in mid-movement, holding his stomach with his lips pressed together.

"Where are they? In the bathroom?" Connor asked but didn't wait for the answer, already walking over to the hallway where he thought the bathroom was.

Either Gavin didn't answer him anyway, or he spoke so softly that Connor couldn't hear when he opened the bathroom door and stepped inside.

He let his eyes wander for a moment and went over to the mirror cabinet first because, after all, this was the place where most people kept their medicine.

He seemed to be right because when he opened the cupboard door, he could already see the labels of some medicine packages. He opened the door fully and reached for one of the boxes to read what was written on it. His eyes widened as he read the ingredients of the medicine he was holding in his hand. Escitalopram. An antidepressant. Hank was taking a similar drug for his anxiety disorders.

As if by remote control, Connor opened the package and saw that it was still full. For a moment, he stared thoughtfully at the box in his hand and looked briefly at the date of the prescription, which was on another label, before packing it up and putting it back in the closet. The package was already three months old.

He reached for the next box and was luckier this time. Morphine. Damn, if they had given him this painkiller, the pain must have been terrible. So Connor quickly set about closing the closet and hurrying back to Gavin.

He was still lying on the sofa in the living room and had his back to Connor, huddled up in a little ball.

"Gavin, I have your painkillers," the android whispered as he bent over him.

Gavin whimpered softly but did not move.

Connor sighed and let his gaze wander before heading for the small kitchenette on one side of the room.

He opened the cabinet and took a glass out of it before holding it under the sink and filling it with water. With the glass in his hand, he returned to Gavin and placed it on the living room table.

"Gavin, you're still wearing the wet clothes," he admonished him and reached for the jacket Gavin was still wearing.

"I can do this on my own," Gavin grumbled and stood up. He reached for the sleeve of the jacket and tried to take it off, but he couldn't.

"Shit," he cursed softly.

"Let me help you," Connor said and grabbed Gavin's jacket without waiting for his answer.

"Ow, damn it, are you trying to kill me?" he heard Gavin's cursing, but he didn't let his guard down and turned his back to hang up the jacket in the hallway. Arriving in the hallway, he paused briefly when he casually saw Gavin's blood still on the wall against which this giant had hurled him. But no wonder it was still here because Gavin hadn't had the time or strength to clean the wall.

He averted his gaze and went back over to the living room. However, once there, his artificial breath faltered when he saw Gavin release several tablets from the blister of painkiller and set out to swallow them whole.

Only at the last second could Connor stop him by rushing towards him and grabbing his wrist.

"Are you insane? You can't swallow that much at once!"

"A lot helps a lot."

"This is morphine. You'll kill yourself if you overdose! Didn't they tell you what dose you could take?"

"I don't care anymore."

"Let me take this. One is enough for now, okay?" Connor remained persistent and tore the package and the rest of the pills out of his hand.

"How can anyone give you something like that?" he growled more to himself and gave him back one of the pills.

"You're causing quite a drama here. Do you know that?" Gavin asked as he swallowed the tablet and drank from the glass.

"You're the one who's giving everybody a hard time."

"Get lost then."

"I will," the android countered and stood up. He put the pills on the table and was already about to walk towards the hall before he stopped.

What if Gavin tried to take so many pills again? Should Connor take the pills with him? But he couldn't just take away his painkillers. But why would he even bother? Gavin was a grown man. He could handle it all by himself and take care of himself, right?

With a desperate look on his face, Connor looked back at Gavin, but he had huddled back on the sofa and turned his back on him. The pills were still in front of him on the table, and Connor decided to stay a while longer at this sight. Just a little while until he was sure Gavin wasn't doing anything stupid anymore.

He went back and took the pills off the table to put them aside. Gavin didn't react to this and was probably already asleep, so Connor let himself fall on the armchair next to him with a soft moan, only to get up again shortly afterward to find a blanket for Gavin. After a while he found what he was looking for in the closet of a very simply furnished bedroom. Back in the living room, he spread the blanket over Gavin and let himself fall back onto the armchair. He caught himself looking at Gavin thoughtfully for a while.  What could have made this man the type of person he is now? Why did he take antidepressants? Or rather: Why did he stop taking them? Why did he always refuse any help?  What should he do now? He could not leave him here alone.

Lost, he looked around and found a bookshelf next to one of the windows. He got up and walked towards it to take out a book that he could perhaps read. Most of the books seemed to be about different countries. They were no travel guides, more about history and culture. He took one of the books, dealing with the country Japan, but before he could get closer to the title, he saw something slip out of the book and fall to the floor.

He put the book back on the shelf and bent down to pick up the object. It was a photograph. He recognized Gavin standing in front of a large torii, along with another man and an android.

Connor took the photo, hoping to recognize a date, but nothing like that. Just a handwritten "Robert and I, Fushimi Inari."

No year and nothing about the android. Did Gavin really own one? Or was it the android of the other guy? Or was the android actually named Robert? Why did Gavin hate androids so much when he seemed to get along with one in the picture?

There were so many questions and so few answers.

Connor put the picture back into the book and back on the shelf. His eyes wandered over the other titles, and he took one about Germany. This time there were even two pictures: One in front of the television tower in Berlin and one in the Leipzig Zoo. On both, the other man and the android were visible, as if he belonged to it. Connor was about to put the pictures back into the book, but he paused when a phone call interrupted him. It was Hank.

"Hey, kid, where the hell are you? It's evening."

"I'm still at Gavin's."

"What are you doing there?"

"Helping him."

"You brought him home, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I brought him home.

"Then come back. He'll be fine."

"I don't believe that. He's in really bad shape.

"It's not your problem."

"Yes, it is. He's like you, Hank."

"Don't compare me to that jerk."

"Hank?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll see you in the morning."

"Don't you dare hang up on me now."

"Good night."

Silence.

For a moment, Connor just stood there thinking about the last hours. He didn't know if Hank would drink again if he left him alone one night. But on the other hand, there was Gavin, who might do something much worse if he was left alone now. Connor chose Gavin that night because there were others than Hank who needed his help. He didn't know why Gavin was behaving like that, he didn't know who the man and the android in the pictures were. But he knew that this would surely be a long night.


	5. Why are you still here?

Several hours had passed since Connor had sat down on the armchair next to the sofa with a book in his hand. By then, it was well past midnight, and the book was lying on Connor's lap with the open page down while he looked thoughtfully over at Gavin, who had been rolling restlessly on the sofa all evening.

He averted his gaze and looked at his inner clock as Hank came to his mind, who was still home alone.

How was he feeling right now? Had he gone to bed? Was he already asleep? Would he drink again if he was alone in the house that night?

Should Connor have left Gavin alone after all? Why was he still here, anyway? Gavin was asleep. He was reasonably well, and Connor had already done more than one would expect from a simple colleague.

He was just thinking about calling Hank, but Gavin's voice suddenly ripped him out of his thoughts.

"The androids are more important to you than I am," he murmured and wrapped the blanket around himself even tighter.

Connor sighed and looked at the book in his lap. It was a cyberpunk thriller from the 90s. If the author had known then ...

Again, Gavin's voice ripped Connor out of his trance when he started talking in his sleep again.

"Help ..." Connor heard only the first word before the rest was lost in an incomprehensible babble.

Obviously, he had a bad dream. Should he wake him up?

Without consciously controlling it, Connor had already got up from his seat and looked over to Gavin with a worried expression on his face.

Yes, he should probably wake him up.

He bridged the short distance between himself and Gavin with quick steps and just bent over his colleague when Gavin suddenly sat up and grabbed the android by the shoulders. Connor felt all the information about Gavin's vital signs come rushing to him as they both touched each other.

'He's dreaming,' Connor thought, as he grabbed Gavin also by the shoulders.

"You have to help us," Gavin urged the android loudly, leaving him looking somewhat helpless.

How could he calm him down?

"Please, help me. I have to get him out of there," Gavin's demand gave way to a whimpering request. Apparently, Gavin noticed that someone was sitting in front of him, but not who that was and where he was. Was it because of the morphine? Connor still couldn't understand how they had given Gavin such strong medication in that condition.

His eyes widened as he noticed the tears running down Gavin's cheeks in the dim light.

"Gavin, whatever you see right now. It is not real. You're just dreaming. You're in your apartment, with me," he said to him reassuringly.

"He'll die otherwise ...," Gavin whimpered pitifully before he suddenly looked around in confusion and wanted to get up from the sofa. Connor wrapped his arms around him, preventing him from tumbling off the sofa upside down.

"Gav, hey ...," he said to him as Gavin tried to get away from him.

"Gav, look at me," Connor started again and interrupted himself as Gavin suddenly looked up at him with a grimace on his face.

"What the hell?" he hissed at the android and pushed him away abruptly.

"You were having a bad dream, talking and fantasizing in your sleep."

Gavin rubbed his eyes tiredly and gave him a reproachful look.

"I was just..." Connor let this look unintentionally unsettle him.

"Why are you still here?"

"You weren't feeling well, so I..."

"Why don't you mind your own business?" Gavin interrupted him again and lifted himself off the sofa in a much too quick movement, causing him to sway slightly.

Connor grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?"

"To the bathroom. Or do I have to call it in now?"

"No, but you just..."

Gavin broke free and rushed towards the bathroom without saying another word. He ripped open the door and slammed it shut behind him with a loud crash. Soon after, Connor heard him throw up loudly, and now he knew why Gavin had been in such a hurry. Apparently, he didn't tolerate the painkiller very well. He should have taken it only under supervision. Why had they given it to him to take home? What would have happened if Connor had left him alone with that stuff? Would he have accidentally overdosed and killed himself?

Slowly Connor got up from the floor and sauntered toward the bathroom door. It had become quiet, and he already feared that Gavin had passed out, but as he reached the door, he suddenly heard a sob, followed by a faint sniff.

He cried again. Why was this man such a psychic wreck? Was this a late consequence of the experiences of the last days? However, the antidepressant, which was already several months old, proved the opposite. Apparently, Gavin had been in such a bad way for a long time, and the incident had been just the tip of the iceberg. Was it related to this man Connor had seen in the photos? Was he a friend? A brother? Was he still alive? Had he died? Had he somehow left Gavin alone? Now that Gavin was in such a bad way, why wasn't he there? According to the pictures, this man must have been close to Gavin in some way if they had experienced so much together. Or had they simply drifted apart at some point? Would Gavin answer him when he asked about it? He didn't believe he would.

He heard another quiet sob, followed by a loud noise that sounded like someone falling, taking something with them.

Immediately Connor was at the door and ripped it open. To his surprise, it wasn't locked so that he could take a look inside immediately. He saw Gavin sitting crouched on the floor in front of the bathtub. Scattered around him was the entire contents of the mirror cabinet from which Connor had taken the painkiller earlier.

He looked closely at the packages, but they were all sealed. Connor hadn't put the morphine back in the cabinet earlier but had put it in a different place away from Gavin. Could it have been what Gavin was looking for?

He entered the room and carefully stepped towards Gavin. "Are you okay?" he asked.

Gavin didn't answer and was still sitting on the small bath rug with his legs bent and his face buried in his arms.

Connor thought for a few seconds about how he should act.

Gavin certainly didn't want him here, but he couldn't leave him alone in that state either. He didn't respond to his speech, but Connor couldn't just stand there in silence.

With a sigh, he stepped next to Gavin and sat down on the floor next to him.

"Do you want to talk about what you dreamed?" he asked after a moment of silence.

Gavin shook his head silently.

"Do you mind if I sit here? I won't touch you or speak to you again. I'm just here."

He had expected that Gavin would send him to hell, but contrary to his expectations, he even moved aside to give the android some space.

His face was still buried in his arms, resting on his bent legs. Somehow he looked like a little boy sitting in the corner and sulking. And for some reason, that suited him. It seemed naive and cheeky, but somehow innocent, too.

Connor put his head back and stared up at the ceiling while thinking about how to resolve the situation.

"Why are you doing this?" he suddenly heard Gavin's voice.

Connor turned to him with a surprised look. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean."

"I don't know," he replied honestly.

Gavin raised his head and stared at him with a skeptical look.

"All I wanted to know at first was why you were always so hostile to me," Connor continued.

"Because I just can't stand you."

"That goes for half of the DPD, and yet you don't attack the others in this aggressive way."

"You were a fucking android, a thing, a tool, nothing more!"

"I 'was'? And now?"

"I do not know. I fucking know I exaggerated, and I shouldn't have threatened you like that. I didn't know at that point that you actually felt anything. I'm sorry, Connor, okay?"

A brief moment of silence filled the room.

"Why didn't you say so when you spoke to Captain Fowler?"

Gavin didn't answer.

"Gav, I..."

"Why are you still here? There's not much more to see in this show."

"Because I worry."

"Why? Don't give me your pity shit."

"Maybe it's pity; maybe it's just empathy. I was created to understand people's motives and to be able to put myself in their shoes. Maybe that's what it is."

"To gain their trust first, then lie to them and pillory them?"

"You're referring to that PL600, Daniel?" Connor understood immediately what he meant. Because, as he learned afterward, Gavin was a part of the SWAT team that had been on his first case. In the meantime, however, he had left this team. Was his unstable psyche the reason for this?

Gavin didn't say anything but only confirmed his assumption regarding the PL600 with a nod.

"That was before my deviation, and I'm not proud of it. I did not know any better."

"Stupidity is no excuse for punishment."

Connor snorted, amused. "That's what you should know best about."

Gavin, however, did not respond to his provocation. Which again made it clear that he was in really shitty shape ... or even really regretted his earlier behavior.

Connor bent over slightly to face him.

Gavin just stared apathetically into the void.

"What were you looking for? If you're in pain again, then..."

"I was just looking for the damn toothpaste."

Connor let his eyes wander over all those packages. "And then what happened?"

"I lost my patience and swept everything out of the closet."

"Is this what you always do when you can't find something?"

"Of course not..."

"All right, then."

Gavin snorted condescendingly. "Stop fucking with me."

"Nothing could be further from my mind right now."

"And you're still here."

"Does it bother you that much?"

"It kind of does."

"Should I leave?"

Gavin seemed to thought about it. "No," he finally said so softly, hardly audible.

Connor leaned back and stared at the ceiling again. So Gavin wanted him to stay. That was progress. He was up to accept some help, even if it consisted only of Connor not leaving him alone.

"May I make a suggestion?" he asked after a while of silence.

"You'll do it anyway, even if I say no. So yes."

"It would probably be better if we went back to the living room. The cold tile floor and your tense position will not necessarily contribute to your recovery."

"Hmm," Gavin just gave an approving growl.

Connor's gaze wandered searchingly across the things scattered on the floor. He spotted the toothpaste and reached for it before slowly pulling himself up.

Gavin looked up and gave him a questioning look as he stopped right in front of him and gave him his free hand.

He hesitated briefly but then decided to let the android help him up. Gavin immediately tore the toothpaste from his hand and crept over to the sink with an irritated growl.

With a soft sigh, Connor bent down to pick up the rest of the stuff from the floor, while Gavin was busy with himself for a moment.

As he straightened up again with a stack of boxes and other hygiene utensils in his hand, he noticed how Gavin, with his toothbrush at the corner of his mouth, gave him an indistinct look. Their glances met, and Gavin immediately turned away and rinsed his mouth.

"Are you still feeling sick?" Connor asked as he walked toward him and handed him some of the packages.

"It's bearable" Gavin kept his answer brief and put the things he had received into the closet.

"You're not tolerating the painkiller well, are you?"

"Probably."

"Why did they even give you such a thing? Normally, the intake of such a drug should only be done under medical supervision."

"With the revolution, they don't have as many androids working for them and are happy to have one less patient to worry about. I could at least walk upright to a certain degree, so they let me go willingly."

"Why did you want to leave so early, anyway?"

Gavin didn't answer him and just stared at him with his bloodshot eyes as if he was trying to figure out what to say.

"You did..." Connor began.

"I wanted to work this out," he was interrupted by Gavin.

"What did you want to work out?"

"This fucking prick said I was the one who attacked the girl and the woman. And I guess some in the DPD suppose me to do something like that."

"But you weren't accused of anything."

"How do you know that? You weren't there."

"Because I spoke to Chris on the phone. You didn't even notice. And I read the files that went with it. You were only questioned as a witness and an injured participant. Not as a suspect."

Gavin rubbed his hand over his face. "But they did..." he stuttered, "I thought... I..."

"Is it possible that you just took it the wrong way?"

Gavin covered his face with both hands. "I don't know. I just... It's all just so unreal," he said, driving his hands through his hair in a desperate gesture. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I think my head is about to burst."

"Should I..."

"No, I don't want this shit anymore."

"Then you should go back to bed."

"If I lie down, it'll get worse."

"Then at least let's go back to the living room."

Gavin just nodded silently and turned to face the door.

Connor turned off the lights and closed the door behind them as he followed Gavin out of the bathroom. He stopped briefly at the end of the hallway and noticed the blood trail, which of course was still on the wall, before following Gavin with a sigh.

He had already sat down on the sofa and was just about to fish for the remote control that was lying on the coffee table in front of him.

"Do you want to watch TV now in your condition?" Connor asked as he approached him and dropped onto the sofa next to him.

"What else can I do?"

"Rest?"

Gavin sighed. "I told you, I can't sleep like this."

Connor was silent and just stared at him from the side. The cold light from the TV only made Gavin's face look paler and more tired.

Gavin turned to him when he noticed his gaze. "You don't have to stay here. I'll be fine now."

Connor snorted disparagingly. "You want to get rid of me now?"

"I don't know if you'd rather be with Hank. I learned that from my old man that alcoholics drink more when they're alone."

Connor thought about this with a sigh. "I've been trying for weeks to get him to go to rehab."

"My old man went, but he quickly relapsed. Even back then in the clinic, they said that a large percentage would either come back or die from liver cancer eventually."

"How uplifting."

"Yep, he's dead now."

"I'm sorry.

"Don't be. He chose his fate. It's been years." He paused for a moment before continuing. "So, as I said, you don't have to..."

"I'd like to stay here for a while if you don't mind," he was interrupted by Connor. "Just take a breather."

He could see out of the corner of his eye that Gavin stared at him in surprise. "Any preferences?" he finally asked and turned away again.

"Something funny."

"You have a sense of humor?"

Connor gave an amused snort and leaned back with his eyes closed. "Just pick out anything you like," he said.

"You look pretty messed up," he heard Gavin's soft murmur.

"Do you care?" Connor asked, with his eyes still closed.

"Nope."

"Then, just shut up."

He heard a faint laugh before he felt Gavin also lean back, and the opening credits of some movie sounded.

He didn't know where this sudden feeling of exhaustion came from. He was an android, he wasn't supposed to feel something like that, but since he had become a deviant, nothing was the same anymore. Since then, many things had already happened that he could never have imagined. For example, he never expected to sit on the sofa with Gavin in his apartment in the middle of the night and watch a movie. And even less would he have expected to feel comfortable enough in Gavin's presence to accidentally sink into stasis right next to him just a few minutes later.


	6. Why Gavin of all people?

Loud shots rang out at his ear, causing Connor to open his eyes abruptly. Following his instinct, he wanted to get up to face the danger immediately, but something held him back.

Irritated, he looked down at his lap, and his confusion grew as he saw an all-too-familiar face there. It took him a few seconds too long to realize that the shots did not come from a possible attacker but came from the TV, which only dimly lit up the room. He looked down again at Gavin, whose head was still resting on his lap. Did they both fall asleep on the sofa?

Quietly, Connor listened to Gavin's soft breathing for a while as he went over the last hours in his mind.

He had brought Gavin home to leave him alone, but then he had stayed with him out of concern.

They had turned on a movie at some point to distract themselves, and Connor had asked to stay a little longer because a sudden feeling of exhaustion had seized him. That he had fallen asleep next to Gavin, of all people, surprised him more than he was willing to admit to himself. That was not the first time he had fallen asleep, but that it had happened while he was sitting next to a man who had wanted to shoot him a few weeks ago was very worrying. It went against every instinct.

Since he had become a deviant, these random actions, which were quite unusual for an android, became more frequent. Androids didn't sleep. They only fell into a sleep-like state when maintenance was required or when their owner put them on standby. But since the revolution, Connor had increasingly felt the need to step out of everyday life and switch off for just a moment. Over time, minutes had quickly become hours, until, at some point, it stagnated. Connor had gotten into the habit of making himself comfortable on the sofa while Hank was asleep, to shut down for almost 2 hours. He did not know why this was so. He explained it to himself by saying that he needed this time to process all the information that came his way during the day. Since the revolution less than a month ago, much had been happened, and much was still new to him. Apparently, one consequence of his deviation was to no longer process information bluntly but to let the events affect him more humanely. His body and his thoughts were no longer just designed to function as effectively as possible. He was now free to draw his own conclusions from what he experienced, which cost him much more energy than just following a prescribed protocol.

He could live with sacrificing those few hours a night, but he could not live with the fact that he obviously could no longer control himself. He wanted to decide for himself when and where, and most importantly: next to WHOM he fell asleep. It scared him not to have any control over it.

A short movement of Gavin tore him out of his thoughts and made him realize again that his colleague was still lying half on his thighs. He raised his hand and placed it on Gavin's shoulder to shake him awake, but he hesitated as he realized from the touch that the man on his lap was sleeping deeply and firmly.

The first time that night, Gavin didn't toss and turned restlessly, and Connor wondered for a moment if he should wake him.

Maybe lifting Gavin's head from his lap would be enough.

For a moment, Connor was busy playing through all the possibilities, but any attempt to lift Gavin off him would end up with a high probability of waking him up.

Connor sighed and called himself an idiot. Why did he care so much about that guy? God knows he had worried enough about Gavin today. And now he sat there like nailed to the floor and didn't dare to just wake him up or push him away. It was just ridiculous.

A sudden movement out of the corner of his eye made him wince. Immediately he looked in the direction in which he had noticed the movement, but there was nothing there.

Was he hallucinating already?

He was making a quiet frightening sound when suddenly something jumped onto the sofa. Two dark round eyes looked at him just as horrified before the cat yawned broadly and looked around like nothing happened.

Did Gavin own a cat?

Connor sat there frozen, watching the cat climb over Gavin and sit on his legs.

Apparently, she was so light that Gavin didn't notice her - or he was just used to his cats sitting on his body.

Connor pondered for a moment if he should scare her down before it occurred to him that he was going to wake Gavin anyway. Once again, he put his hand on Gavin's shoulder before he repeatedly flinched when another cat jumped onto the sofa.

She looked at him with big eyes before climbing over Connor's right knee and then over to Gavin. She was just about to sit on the side of Gavin's stomach when Connor lost his patience and gently pushed her down from him. She muzzled angrily but retreated and jumped off the sofa to trot over to the kitchenette, where she stopped in front of one of the cupboards and began to make a loud murmur.

And that seemed to be the exact thing that tore Gavin out of his deep sleep.

"I'm coming," Gavin murmured while he suddenly turned on his back and opened his eyes.

For a moment, he just stayed motionless and stared irritated at Connor before he jumped up as if stung by a tarantula. He took a little too much momentum and tumbled down from the sofa with a soft frightening sound, while the cat that had been lying on top of him jumped over the table with one leap.

Connor drew a sharp breath when he saw Gavin hit the coffee table with the back of his head. He immediately lowered himself to the floor next to Gavin and put an arm around him to lift him.

"Did you hurt yourself? Are you in pain?" he asked, eyeing Gavin several times from front and back, alternately pressing him against himself and pushing him away.

"You mean more than you already do?" Gavin muttered powerlessly before pushing Connor away energetically. "If you're here to kill me, please do it quickly and painlessly."

"I don't want to kill you," Connor replied in such a serious tone that Gavin glanced at him with an irritated look.

"Sarcasm and irony aren't your things, are they?" he murmured, trying to get up from the floor with a loud groan and leaning on the table like an old man. Connor couldn't stand the sight of it and reached out to help him. Gavin did not resist at first, but he pushed the android away no sooner had he come to a halt again.

"Yes, yes, I'm coming," he muttered as he slowly stepped towards the kitchen. Connor watched Gavin silently, who was still groaning as he bent down to the cat.

"Hungry, aren't you?" he asked, to which she replied with a mixture of muzzles and purrs. While he was still heaving himself again, the second cat joined him and stroked his legs, purring as well. Apparently, she had already repressed the turbulent experience of with the prospect of food.

Still in silence, Connor watched as Gavin tried to stretch out his injured arm and get something from the upper kitchen cupboard, but he just couldn't reach far enough because of his stomach injuries.

With a sigh, Connor stepped beside him in just a few steps and reached for the two bowls he was obviously trying to get. "Where do you keep the food?" he asked without looking at Gavin.

"Bottom left."

Without hesitation, Connor leaned down to the mentioned cabinet and filled some of the food he found there into the two bowls.

He felt the two cats dancing impatiently around him and placed the two bowls on the floor next to him. Immediately the cats jumped at the food. He was already expecting a comment from Gavin that he had given them too much or too little, but he remained silent.

"I didn't realize at first that you had cats. Otherwise, I would have given them something already," Connor said and raised his eyes.

"You're not my housemaid," Gavin replied, looking down at him with an unintelligible expression. "You've done far too much already," he added as Connor stood up before him.

"I simply could not leave you alone in this state."

"I thought you have free will now, but you still take care of the dregs of humanity ..."

"I helped you of my own free will," Connor countered.

"Why?" the question came almost too quickly. As if Gavin had just been waiting to ask.

"Out of the same reason I helped Hank. I want to understand and get to know the people around me. And the more I try to put myself in their shoes, the more I feel responsible for them."

"I guess you never get rid of your old self."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, you were designed to negotiate."

"I'm no longer the one I was before the revolution," Connor's response sounded crankier than he intended.

"As you say," Gavin said with a sigh as he turned away from him. "I wish I could deny my past as well."

"Do you mean, for example, that you tried to kill me in the evidence room?"

"Nah, don't start that again. I told you I'm sorry, and I didn't know back then that you were capable of feelings. I didn't know what kind of android you were."

"Ah, well, what kind of android am I in your eyes?"

Gavin gave him a prudent look. "What the hell is your problem?"

"As if you would care about other people's problems," Connor hissed before he could even think about it. That's been happening more and more lately. He was doing things that he couldn't fully control. Shit, he didn't want to say that. Why did he start picking fights all of a sudden? What was the point in doing so?

"I don't know about you, but I think one asshole in this room is enough already."

Connor was silent and ran a hand through his hair.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Gavin asked.

"Do you really care?"

"Have you ever known me to do anything just to be polite?"

"I've... I shouldn't have fallen asleep so easily," Connor decided to voice his concern openly. But why towards Gavin of all people? Why didn't he just go home and talk to Hank? Why was he even still here? Why had he stayed here in the first place? Why hadn't he taken better care of Hank?

"Did you just blow a fuse?" Gavin's voice tore him from his thoughts.

"I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from making these discriminatory remarks."

"You're the one who's bitching here right now, Con. Apparently, you androids can get off on the wrong foot too."

"Sorry, I..."

"I won't tell anyone about this if that's what you're worried about..."

"No, it's not that."

"Then why are you acting so weird?"

"I..." Connor was about to make a response, but something else caught his attention. "Sorry, this is Hank."

"A built-in smartphone, how practical," he heard Gavin's snide comment, but he ignored it and accepted the call.

"Where the hell are you?" Hank's angry voice penetrated his inner ear.

"Still with Gavin," he replied, watching Gavin scrutinize him.

There was a brief silence in which Connor was unsure if the connection had been broken before Hank began speaking again, "Listen, Connor. I'm not in a position to tell you what to do, but I can give you some advice: Stay away from Gavin. And I'm not saying that because I can't stand him, but because he's a danger to you."

"I know, but I'm fine."

"Yeah, for now. Gavin knows what's at stake for him, and that's why he's pulling himself together. But I speak from experience that he can quickly make your life hell if he feels safe again."

Connor sighed. "Why are we having this conversation?"

"Get the hell out of there. I'll see you at the station," Hank said before hanging up.

"Is the old man afraid you're going to cheat on him or what?"

"I gotta go," Connor ignored the comment, "will you be okay by yourself from now on?"

"You're not my nanny."

"Okay, then. I'll take that as a yes," Connor remained distant, "then I wish you a quick recovery."

He turned around and tried to walk toward the door, but Gavin held him back, reaching for his arm. Connor turned to him with a questioning look, whereupon Gavin let go of his arm again.

"What were you trying to tell me earlier?" he asked with an unintelligible look.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb. I'm not buying that from you androids."

"It wasn't important."

"But you seemed to be pretty upset about something."

"Just forget it, okay? I gotta go.

Gavin held him again. "What did Hank just tell you?"

"Nothing you two haven't already told each other."

Connor could see how Gavin didn't buy it because he gritted his teeth tense. That was something Connor had noticed about him before. Even when he said nothing, Gavin's facial expressions and gestures always spoke volumes. At least one thing that was predictable about this man.

"I really have to go now. The captain won't like it if I'm..."

"Will you testify today?"

"Hm?"

"Will you testify against me today?"

Connor shook his head and watched Gavin's muscles relax. "The interview won't take place until next week", he answered.

While he spoke, he was already expecting Gavin to talk to him like a savage now in order to dissuade him from testifying against him, but to Connor's surprise, he did not say anything more than: "I see."

Again, something he had not seen coming.

Just like the 'Thank you, Connor' that followed immediately.

"Excuse me?" he asked when he thought he had misheard.

"You heard me."

"Apparently not correctly."

Gavin made a snide snort. "I won't repeat myself."

"Gav, you..."

"Weren't you leaving?" he was interrupted by Gavin as he turned away demonstratively.

Connor commented this only with a sigh and turned to face the door. This time, Gavin did not hold him back, but he could feel his gaze bore down on his back.

Somehow this situation was just about surreal.

"Hey, tin can," Gavin called after him as Connor opened the door.

With a questioning look, he turned to Gavin, who was standing behind him in the hallway.

"Thanks," was the only thing he said.

Connor didn't answer but gave him a faint smile before turning away again and leaving the appartement through the door.


	7. There is no use trying

Gavin sighed. He was wondering how long he had been lying here. What time was it anyway? Would he ever get up again? Or stay lying here forever? Was there any point in getting up anymore?

He asked himself all these questions as he stared apathetically at the ceiling.

An eternity ago, he had lain down on the sofa with the bottle in his hand and had not gotten up since then.

He had so much planned for today. After almost two weeks, which he had spent exclusively in his apartment, he had finally been able to muster enough energy today to bring the apartment as well as himself back to shape.

He had planned to finally go out again today, hang out in some bar and maybe even pick up some guy.

But now he was lying there and couldn't even find the energy to get up from the sofa.

At what point had he gotten the crappy idea to drink some alcohol to get his courage up?

The last two weeks had done him no good. He hadn't been able to exercise for a minute because of his injury, and - oh damn, he deluded himself - he probably wouldn't have done it either if he had been able to. Actually, he hadn't worried about it, after all, it had only been two weeks, but the moment he had stood at the door and pulled his jacket over his shoulders, all courage had suddenly left him. He hadn't been in control of himself anymore when he had torn the jacket off his shoulders and thrown it on the floor, only to sit on the sofa a moment later with the bottle of vodka in his hand.

Shit, where had he gotten the bottle from anyway? It must have been lying around unopened somewhere for ages. It probably even came from Robert. What an irony that this was, of all things, the only thing left, because Rob had hated alcohol as much as he did.

Fuck, the thought of him didn't make it any better that he ...

A deafening loud clang suddenly snapped him out of his lethargy and forced him to sit up abruptly.

He looked down at his hand with a puzzled look with which he had just held the almost empty bottle. It was no longer there. Instead, it laid on the floor in front of the sofa, with the remaining contents already soaking into the carpet.

Gavin just sat there, staring at the floor now instead of the ceiling.

He didn't even try to lift the bottle off the floor. It didn't make any difference in this dump anyway.

Exhausted, he ran both hands over his face. Damn, he felt like the death warmed up. He desperately needed some fresh air.

With a loud groan, he heaved himself off the sofa and staggered over to the balcony door, taking several near falls.

The cold winter air hit him as he yanked the door open. As he stepped out, he stumbled over the threshold and could only catch himself by clinging to the opposite railing of the small balcony.

Everything around him spun as he tried to pull himself upright. Powerless, he leaned his upper body on the railing and closed his eyes in exhaustion.

The cold wind brushed his cheeks and nose as he paused for a moment. If his position hadn't been so damn uncomfortable, he probably would have fallen asleep on the spot - and probably frozen to death. He felt the cold slowly displacing the alcohol's warmth in his veins, leaving a numb feeling in his limbs, but he made no move to stir.

Only when a soft ringing reached his ear, he reluctantly opened his eyes. With numb fingers, he fished for his cell phone, which was in his back pocket. He squinted his eyes and took a moment to recognize the name on the screen.

C-Connor?

What did he want from him?

As Gavin stared at the display, the ringing stopped for a moment, only to start again shortly after.

That had been going on for half the week. Where did Connor get his private number from anyway? From Fowler, indeed ... or from Tina?

When Connor had sent him a message earlier in the week that he hadn't testified against Gavin and that he was getting a second chance from Fowler, Gavin hadn't felt the relief he'd hoped from such an outcome.

On the contrary, he had not responded to any further calls and had turned off his work cell phone. Fowler had tried a few more times to reach him on his private number until it had suddenly subsided and Connor had taken its place.

At first, it had been purely work-related messages, but then the android suddenly started writing about how he had finally been able to convince Hank to go to rehab and what his thoughts were on the matter.

Why the hell was he writing him something like that? What business was it of his? Was he hoping for some help? God knows Gavin had enough on his plate right now. Let the tin can and the old man do whatever they wanted. He wanted nothing to do with them. He just wanted to be left alone.

The cell phone in his hand began to ring a third time as Gavin reached out with his arm as far as his sense of balance would allow before he threw the phone off the balcony in a high arc. Somewhat taken aback, Gavin looked down into the darkness as he slowly realized what he had just done. But why had he? Why hadn't he just put it on mute or turned it off?

Confused, he shook his head as he heard the ringing again and recognized the display's glow in the darkness. So the damn thing was still working. Spellbound, he stared down before the sound of a car door slamming turned his attention to the small parking lot in front of the house.

Again, he squinted as he made out only the outline of a tall, slender figure standing next to one of the cars in the parking lot.

Apparently lured by the ringing of the cell phone, the man turned in the appropriate direction and took long strides directly toward the cell phone, which lay on the ground at the edge of the lot.

_ Shit. _

Gavin saw the man lean down to the cell phone and pick it up off the ground before suddenly turning his face upward, after which their eyes met.

Gavin's eyes snapped open as he recognized him.  Connor? What the hell was he doing here?

Reflexively, he backed away from the railing to avoid the android's gaze before suddenly feeling something soft between his feet and wildly flailing his arms, losing his balance.

He heard a loud crash as he fell backward onto the floor. Only casually, he perceived the cat fleeing through the balcony door back into the apartment while the pain moved through his body and took his breath away for a moment.

_ Fuck, fuck, fuck! _

It took him a moment to regain his composure before he picked himself up off the floor, cursing softly. Every bone in his body ached. He skeptically examined his arm, which still had the cast on it, and ran his other uninjured arm over his stomach as if he could tell so if everything was still okay.

He winced violently when he suddenly heard the doorbell. A brief distant thought made him think of his neighbor for a moment before he shook his head and inwardly scolded himself for being an idiot. Of course, it wasn't her. She was still in a coma. It was definitely Connor.

Again, the ringing resounded through his apartment out to the balcony. He wondered if the android would leave if he just played dead.

"Gavin, I know you're there. I saw you on the balcony," he heard Connor's shout through the apartment door as he stepped back into the living room and closed the balcony door.

The doorbell ranged again and again. Why was this android so persistent?

"At least let me give you your phone back," he said.

"Put it on my desk at the precinct," Gavin yelled back.

"Gav, that's ridiculous. I'm standing just a few feet away from you. Why would I ..."

"Then just put it on the floor and get out of here."

"Gav ..."

"And stop calling me that."

Silence.

Staring tensely at the door, Gavin winced as the android began to speak again.

"Okay, I'll put it here for you and be gone."

Gavin fell silent and leaned against the doorframe, exhausted. 

'Please, go away,' he begged in his mind.

He heard a rustling and footsteps slowly moving away from the door after a while. Inwardly, he counted to ten again before turning the lock around and opening the door.

He didn't even get the chance to glance down the hallway when suddenly a hand grabbed the door and pushed it open with momentum, while another settled on his shoulder and made him back with gentle force.

Without saying anything, the android pushed past him and entered the apartment before abruptly turning around and handing Gavin his cell phone.

"You lost something there," he uttered in an almost smug tone.

"Say, are you nuts ...?" Gavin stuttered in confusion as his alcohol-soaked brain was suddenly unable to form a complete sentence.

Connor frowned in irritation as he eyed Gavin, and one could see that the android was scanning his condition.

Gavin was already expecting a lousy comment, but the android only raised his eyebrows before turning to the wardrobe and taking off his dark gloves and coat.

What the hell did androids need gloves for anyway?

It wasn't until Connor turned back to him that Gavin noticed he was staring at the android. With an uncertain clearing of his throat, he turned his head away and stared at the wall instead.

A long and uncomfortable silence filled the room, where he felt Connor continue to eye him expectantly before finally breaking the silence.

"I'm sorry to spring this on you, but you haven't been responding to my messages or calls."

"I'm still on sick leave."

"You are, but as far as I can see, you're also able to respond to your supervisor or colleague."

Gavin was defiantly silent.

"And as far as I can see, it doesn't stop you from wanting to go out. It's just that you seem to have overdone it a bit with the pregaming."

"How ...?" Gavin wanted to ask before looking down at himself and staring at his own shirt as if seeing it for the first time.

Connor sighed. "Anyway, I just wanted to ask you when we can expect you back."

"And that's why you came all the way out here?"

"You didn't answer me, after all. You even seem to dislike my calls so much that you threw your cell phone off the balcony."

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough."

Gavin fell awkwardly silent.

Connor's voice grew audibly softer. "Are you okay?"

Gavin didn't look up. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I thought you'd be more excited about getting a second chance."

"It's because of you that I had the problems in the first place. If it hadn't been for you, I would still have had my gun, and ..."

"... you would have shot that guy as you tried with me?"

"The guy wouldn't have deserved it any other way."

"And me?"

"Are you always this resentfully?"

"You seem to be, too."

Gavin clicked his tongue dismissively.

"Weren't we past that point already?" Connor asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

Gavin continued to avoid his gaze defiantly and remained silent.

"You really do act like a child sometimes," Connor growled, barely audible.

"Says the guy with the puppy look."

"What's a puppy look?"

"Well, search for it. You're a walking Wikipedia, after all."

Connor turned his gaze sideways for a moment as he actually looked for it, and Gavin couldn't help but grin as he saw the android frown. "I don't quite understand what ..."

"That's exactly the problem."

"What ...?"

"That you don't understand anything. Nothing at all," Gavin said.

"Is it just me, or is this conversation kind of unnecessary?"

"I don't know. You're the one who broke into my apartment. You tell me."

"I didn't break into your apartment," Connor responded, visibly irritated.

"You're standing here, though, right in front of me. Without me letting you in."

"That would be more like trespassing."

"Still illegal."

"Are you doing this on purpose?"

"What?" asked Gavin.

"Being such an asshole?"

"Like you didn't know that before. Feel free to leave."

"I want to clear something up with you, though," Connor persisted.

"Then do that and get out of here."

"Hank's in withdrawal," the android began again.

"Yeah, you already wrote. So?"

"I'm currently alone."

"So, are you going to ask me out or what?"

"Fowler meant we're working together now for the time being," Connor uttered as dryly as if he were merely telling him the weather.

"You're kidding me?"

"He said it would help us get along better. And so I wanted to know when you ..." Connor interrupted himself as Gavin suddenly slid slowly down the wall he was leaning against.

Gavin saw the android get down on his knees in front of him and felt a touch on his cheek. "Are you okay? Are you sick?"

"I think I'm going to die," Gavin muttered.

"You don't. You just drank too much."

"I didn't mean because of the alcohol."

"Very funny," Connor seemed to understand what he was trying to tell him.

"I wasn't joking," Gavin countered.

Connor sighed in annoyance. "I can't laugh about it either. I'm really wondering how you've managed to survive on your own until now."

"I wasn't alone ... Rob was with me."

Connor paused for a brief moment. "Who's Rob?" he finally asked more calmly.

Gavin didn't answer, just stared dazedly at the floor.

"Gav?"

"I feel sick."

"I can see that."

"I think I'm going to throw up."

Connor only replied with another sigh before grabbing Gavin by the arms and pulling him up.

Gavin could feel the warmth of the android on his skin as he leaned heavily against him to keep his balance. A strange feeling of disappointment came over him as Connor broke away from him to intently look at him. "Can you stand on your own?" he asked.

Gavin nodded mutely and propped himself against the wall instead. God, why did he always have to humiliate himself so in front of this android of all people?

Trying to look as upright as possible, Gavin stretched his back and, with one hand on the wall, tried to walk toward the living room. But once again, violent dizziness seized him, making everything spin around him. His legs gave way, but before his knees touched the floor, he felt Connor's arm wrapped around him helpfully. He avoided looking at Connor, but he could feel his concerned gaze on his skin.

"I'll take you to the bedroom. Sleep it off first. We'll talk tomorrow," he said softly before gently pulling Gavin with him.

"Why are you doing this?" asked Gavin as he gathered his senses for a brief moment, but he didn't hear the answer to that anymore, only feeling his cheek touch the soft sheet of the bed before everything around him sank into a comfortable silence.


End file.
